Rawr...

I better get to this and post before it's midnight -- then I've already failed! Anyhow.

I'm very sadface... Cory, James and etc are going out of town camping for a week, and I won't have anyone to go to Waffle House at 2 in the morning with :[ Well, I would with Jasmine, but she usually has work early the next day.

Tonight I went to the Amatorious munch at Uno's shortly after going with Kyle + Celia to Kyle's b-day dinner. He got super drunk on Tequila, which indirectly caused Celia and Kyle fighting a bit... oh well. I am supposed to dress up for the party Saturday... it's "Come As You Aren't." I am going to try to go as a wolf, if I can find the right bits to wear. Everyone seems that me going as a domme is amusing... but I can't act that way! I can only be that way to one person, and that is very rare.

I have also been analyzing myself a bit as to why I am in the scene. When I was with Charlie... he wasn't very demanding I guess I could say. He always made me decide on things, even if he didn't want to do it. As everyone knows, I am not with him anymore. My demandingness got in the way and I ended up being a huge bitch because he could never decide -- I mean, come on, to this day he doesn't know if he wants me or Scarlett truthfully. I think I am more of a sub because someone is more liable to keep me as their's. Even though I am the toy of someone right now... he doesn't have feelings for me in 'that' way. How can you play with someone, but not have feelings for them? I think it's a woman thing, to be honest. I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do about my situation at the moment besides that, concerning vanilla relationships. Josh... who is friends with Billy... likes me. He's a very nice guy and all that, but he's in love with this girl named Deana. Also, his exwife left him for the second time. So I wouldn't be going against one woman, but two. I really don't want to do that bit again. I saw Billy for the first time in about a month, and I didn't get those butterflies. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever find anyone.