I talked to Pug yesterday for a bit about my sub problems, as usual... and I really hope I don't annoy him with it. I would feel terrible for driving someone away from me. So I left Havok with the decision to keep playing with me or not. He asked me what I wanted... and I told him that I had to leave it up to him. I would not make a decision for a long ass time, honestly. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Also, I can't MAKE him play with me. So today I called him and asked him what the answer was, and he didn't know. I told him to tell me before he went to bed. He just sent me a text saying, "No. Goodnight." I called him and asked him, "No, what?" He said something along the lines of not wanting to play... and I just hung up on him. If I stayed on the phone he would have heard my sadness... or potentially really, really angry-ness. Nothing came to mind anyway. I wouldn't know what to say.

On my lunch... which took about 2 hours because we had so many damn customers and shit... I just kind of broke down. I feel a bit selfish feeling really lonely and sad because I know people who haven't even had a serious relationship before, or have been alone for years and years. I guess it's something to fall out of when you were in love for a long time with somebody, and betrayed more times than I could ever imagine. Since then, I have liked other people, and some have liked me... but nothing even close to a relationship.