For the past couple of hours I have been watching Hana Yori Dango season 2... and I cried a bit. Ok, a bit more than a bit.

I know what it feels like to be Makino. To watch someone you love, love someone else. You have to see the girl all the time. You try your hardest but you keep falling back into those feelings for that person.

This isn't just like... some MySpace lovey-dovey shit. I have felt so entirely physically ill over this boy it's insane. I feel it now. My stomach feels like its turning over a thousand times, my arms tighten up, and my heart feels like its being stretched and thrown around.

When Tsukasa has flashbacks about Makino and their "moments," I get those weird feelings about him again. I remember our first kiss. Those beautiful things he used to say to me. Everything was magical. Why would he want to give that up? I asked if he felt the same about her. He said, "You opened a lot of doors, and closed them all." I know that if I spent the day with him... those emotions would come flooding back, if I wanted to or not. I remember not seeing him for a long time, and then I picked him up... I was nothing but smiles. I haven't felt that way since I started seeing him 5 years ago. He regrets starting anything with her... and how this all ended up.

I haven't talked to him in about two months... but it feels like 10 years. When I get texts or calls in the middle of the night, I instantly hope it's him. When Makino ends up calling Tsukasa... it reminds me of how Charlie and I end up talking. I can't call him first... never, ever. My luck would be that he would be with her and it would be nothing but drama. What the fuck is so great about her anyway...?

"I wish it were me you chose;
You. Me. Maybe we were never meant to be."

but it all comes down to this:
"We know, we know... you want your shitty relationship back."